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There was a time when I used to wonder a lot about the sudden end of some relationships without warning and after decades of them. For example, there are marital cases where the relationship between the spouses ends after twenty years, maybe thirty, maybe more than that. At that time, I used to say to myself, why do they separate after all these long years?! And why didn’t they separate from the beginning of the marriage, since the result is the same? Why were they forced to live together and endure the suffering, since in the end they choose to separate and destroy the relationship?!
There are also friends who choose to end their friendship after a very long period of time, and everyone around them is unable to restore their relationship with each other ever. We all notice and may have tried to end relationships, whether they are relatives, friends, perhaps brothers or even spouses. So what is the reason?!
I have come to the conclusion that every relationship in our lives is based primarily and entirely on something called credit. Our relationships with people are often dependent on a credit that is determined by the extent of the person’s esteem in our hearts. The more sophisticated, respectful and loving our dealings are, the more the credit increases. The opposite is true. The worse and more inappropriate the dealings are, the less the credit decreases and diminishes until it disappears completely!
There are some of us who, as soon as they find a feeling of excessive love, appreciation and respect from the other party, we find them persisting in inappropriate behavior and draining their love balance in their hearts. They then believe that their balance forces the other party to forgive and overlook in an extended, endless manner. Of course, the relationship continues until the balance is completely gone and drained to zero, and we lose our ability to endure and continue, and thus the relationship ends!
There are exceptional cases in which it is decided to recharge the balance, and you are forced to forgive and pardon all the mistakes and circumstances, such as the case of a husband with his wife and a wife with her husband in order to preserve the home and children; and the case of brothers and relatives in order to preserve the kinship ties, and the case of some friends in order to preserve the friendship.
So, maintain your relationships and do not think that the length of time, whether short or long, is a sufficient reason for the continuation of any relationship. Increase your balance with those you love through affection, mercy, good manners, generosity and giving.
The story:
From sad love stories with many morals and lessons…
She married her cousin, who was more educated, prominent, socially prominent, and also wealthy than her. Although he was her only dream in life, she devoted herself to him and was able to reach him and marry him, but she lost him forever, despite the fact that she was still married to him.
At first, their marriage was like many marriages in our time. They respected each other, but she never missed an opportunity to diminish his love for her. She always told everyone, both his family and hers, that he did not love her as much as she did. Her husband overlooked her actions and considered them to be due to her great love for him and that she wanted a special kind of love from him. However, over the days and years, he discovered that all she cared about was her appearance in front of people and that she wanted to brag about her husband’s love for her in front of everyone to gain their admiration.
On a personal level, he found nothing from her but complete neglect. She did not care about the affairs of her home, neither cleaning it nor meeting his needs. He always tried to advise her and guide her to the right path, but she found his words and advice to be derogatory to her. She would carry herself and go to her father’s house to spend long months thinking that she was disciplining him for his actions, and with every action she would exhaust her balance in his heart.
He tries to recharge her balance in order to keep his home, family and young son, so he goes to her father's house and is satisfied with asking her to return to her home. Her father (his uncle basically) and her brothers make harsh conditions for him, so he accepts them, but as for her, she returns even harsher than before. This is how things were between them. Whenever he orders her to do something, she apparently does it, but in reality, she only makes things worse. He was never able to understand her behavior, whether it was intentional or unintentional, and she grew up with these behaviors that any husband would be disgusted by.
He always kept in mind that she was his cousin, and that her life would come to a complete standstill if he separated from her, in addition to the condition of his son who would suffer greatly if his parents separated.
Five years had passed since their life and he found that there was no hope of her changing at all. The first decision he made was that he did not want other children from her, especially since she did not take care of her only son who was four years old. Every day after returning from work, he would sit next to his little one and teach him and review things with him. He found himself on days having to wash his clothes well and iron them to go to work. He was forced to eat her food, but many times he would go to his mother to eat with her. He found himself overlooking many mistakes, but on the contrary, she felt grateful to her husband and tried to change herself, and she would always hold him accountable for her mistakes and belittle him.
He found himself reaching a late stage where he could not bear it any longer, and one day, as usual, she went out to her father's house, but she reaped great regret when he refused to go to bring her back and refused to let anyone else go, rather he sent to her parents wanting to get out of their toxic relationship on good terms just as they had entered five years before, and contrary to expectations, she did not feel any remorse for her actions, rather she blamed him for everything and placed the reasons for the failure of their relationship on his shoulders.
Her husband did not expect anything else from her. He defied all his family and went through with the divorce proceedings to feel relieved from a toxic relationship that cost him many beautiful things in his life.
If I were him, what would I do?!
If you were her friend, what advice would you give her?
Read also, dear reader:
Love stories titled “Standing firm despite all the pain”
Also: Stories of love and cruelty. The story “I loved you, but the days had other opinions.”
Love stories that end in separation, titled “And betrayal comes to you from the one closest to you”
